Wind Chill

So I've been sitting at my desk all morning and found myself curled in a tiny ball. I was rubbing my legs and jumping up and down before I realized that I was really, really cold. You see, my mind works backwards, and I suddenly realized that it's been cold for days. My brain finally confessed that my body was freezing. That makes sense because the wind is howling like a bunch of drag queens and it's 25 degrees outside, or as the Washington Post tells me, it feels like 12 degrees. But normally, we're quite warm as we get all the heat rising up from the lower floors, so why am I freezing? ¶Because the heat's been turned off, that's why. NO HEAT. In February and with it so cold outside (wait, stop. I just killed a giant cockroach with a post it note; really I just did). ¶So I went over to make sure my 1920s radiator was on and yes it's on but it's stone cold and all the wind is blowing straight through the air conditioner and into our apartment. So that means the heat for the whole building is busted. It never stops, does it? If it's not one thing, it's another. So because I'm freezing, I do the unthinkable. I call the office--not because I want to be a whiney crybaby tenant, but because I'm freezing and trying to work, and the rest of the building must be freezing too. And its 12 degrees outside!!!! So I dial the office for the first time ever. ¶Thank you for choosing Barclay, Ravenel, and Regal apartments, professionally managed by Carmel Partners. We are currently out of the office. Our regular hours are (uhm, now). If you are a resident facing a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 911. If you are enquiring about one of our beautiful apartment homes, then blah, blah, do come by. If you are a resident and would like to make a service request, please blah, blah, go away. Thank you for choosing Barclay blah, blah, apartments. Using the dial pad, please blah, blah. Click. ¶Yeah, why would they be in the office during their office hours when the heat shuts down for the whole building? And I love how they give you a nice pitch for their mother company before they let you know that if you're hair is on fire you should really call 911 instead. It's ok though. I can suck it up. One pays rent so that one may stay tough. I'm reverting to a trick that I learned in Russia, which is to crank up the oven and light all the burners on the stove. Yeah, it totally wastes natural gas and if you're not careful you can get carbon monoxide poisoning, BUT given the choice, I'd rather die of a headache than the cold. Wouldn't you?